The Fix Is In by Tish Pearlman

$14.00

 

On June 1, 2009 I had open- heart surgery for a congenital heart valve problem. I was told it would be a fairly routine surgery since I was on the young side (55), healthy, with no major risk factors. After several months of tests, research, discussion and great anxiety, the day of surgery found me calm, unafraid and optimistic. Surgery was long but successful. As I was being brought out of the anesthesia, my blood pressure crashed to zero. Routine turned to nightmare. I was literally dead. They had to bring be back from the darkness.

 

I was in the hospital for 10 days. I was mentally out of it for the first five days, three and a half which were spent in cardiac intensive care. I have total amnesia for those five days. I have pieced together what happened through conversations with my medical advocates: my brother, John Pearlman, and best friend, Carol Painter, both of whom were there during this ordeal. I have also read the 500+ pages of my medical records. From this, I have come to believe that mistakes were made by some of the medical personnel involved in my case. I have also been left with the residual feeling that I was abused and manipulated during my stay in the CICU.

 

It has been suggested that I should be glad that I don’t remember those first five days. I am not glad in any way. I am furious that I was not there to witness, experience and have some say in this major event in my life. Whether my amnesia was deliberate or inadvertent is one of many questions that has yet to be answered. The positive side is that I did come through this nightmare intact, and in doing so, offer this collection of poems, the first I have written in over twenty years. It is my attempt to swim to the surface and make sense of this terrible experience.

 

 

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The Fix Is In

by Tish Pearlman

$14, paper

Tish Pearlman is a poet,writer, broadcast journalist, community and political activist originally from Manhattan Beach, California. She is host of the award-winning public radio interview show “Out of Bounds.” She is a 1986 graduate of The Columbia School of Broadcasting, San Francisco, California. Pearlman has worked as a host/interviewer on KPFA-FM in Berkeley, Live-105 in San Francisco, and two cable-TV shows: Out Talk Magazine and Q-TV, both in San Francisco. As a freelancer, she also did voiceovers, public service announcements and documentary film narration. In Ithaca, she was the interim News Director/Morning Anchor on WHCU’s Morning Report, as well as news anchor on WVBR’s Mix in the Morning. She also hosted The Amnesty International Human Rights Journal on Ithaca’s Channel 13.

Pearlman is also a poet. In the 1970’s Pearlman gave many readings at political and literary events on the central California coast, including Cal Poly, Dandelion Wine Book Company, Cuesta College, Day With Creative Women events and Take Back the Night ralleys. Her work also appeared in several literary journals and local magazines, including, Street Cries Magazine, Expressive Arts Review, Adventures in Poetry Anthology, Carousel Quarterly, California NOW Times and Latitude/20. Her current work has appeared in The Healing Muse (2010-2016), The Ithaca Times, The Syracuse Post-Dispatch Healthy CNY Magazine, Conversations Across Borders,The Comstock Review, The Iconoclast Magazine, Earth’s Daughters. One of her poems was accepted for an anthology “The Art of Medicine in Metaphors,” edited by James Borton and published by Copernicus Healthcare Publishers in January 2013. Her collection, a chapbook of poetry retelling her near death heart surgery experience, is entitled “The Fix Is In” and was published by Finishing Line Press in January 2012.
Prior to her move to Ithaca, New York in 1999, Pearlman lived for many years in the San Luis Obispo area and in San Francisco. She also spent time traveling in Europe, and lived for three years in Amsterdam, The Netherlands.

She lives in Ithaca, New York.

Her newest collection “Afterlife” was published by Foothills Publishers in 2014.

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